Paranormal

Conversations With Dead People: A Medium’s Session With JonBenet Ramsey

jonbenet

This is something I never thought I’d say: I have a clairvoyant friend. Some of you may already be aware of Amy Venezia, who is a wonderful person with some pretty incredible gifts — gifts that I, a former skeptic, have experienced firsthand. Together, we have decided to start a new project: speaking with celebrities who are on the other side. Whether you believe this to be real or not, please read on knowing that we are not in the business of fooling anyone. We are simply sharing our experience, and whether you decide to believe it, well… that’s entirely up to you.

Welcome to Conversations With Dead People.


The following is purely speculation and in no way should be considered concrete facts unless future evidence proves otherwise.

JonBenet Ramsey is a case that fascinated me from the time I was a child — most likely because I was a child when she died. I remember seeing her face on every tabloid, hearing about her on television. I didn’t really grasp the meaning of her death until I was older but even then it felt fleeting, like I got it but I sort of didn’t.

However, she was often requested on both my Facebook pages as a subject of a conversation. I felt weird about it because she was so young, we’d never done a child before, so much of her family was still alive — but I sat with it until I felt in my heart yes, it was time. We could talk to her.

Amy agreed.

As Amy and I begin as we usually do — chatting about normal day-to-day issues like my contact lenses not behaving and her newly-dyed darker hair — Amy lights a candle to clear the area of bad energy. We have already discussed via text that this session is going to be tough, intense, and we’re ready for it. (At least, as ready as we could be.)

Amy asks, “Am I doing weird things like you are? Because you’re so — fuzzy right now.”

This is typical. Digital interference sporadically throughout the session. It’s typically when we first begin or when the subject matter begins to get particularly sensitive.

I tell her she’s clear and then fuzzy, clear and then fuzzy. She comments on the Capri Sun I’m sipping on and we share a laugh.

Then it’s time to get to business.

Me: What are you feeling for today?

Amy: We’re just gonna go in and see what happens. I wore my Cookie Monster shirt for her!

So we decide to settle in and start the session. Amy reminds me that we will be talking to a child, ostensibly — and to phrase my questions like I was talking to a child in the flesh. I acknowledge this and promise to keep it in mind.

Me: Okay! I’m ready. Anything I need to do on my end before we get going?

Amy: Nope. I’m just gonna go in and… see what happens.

Me: Okay. And like I said, if you need to bail, if you need to cut it off — that’s totally fine. Just…

Amy: Right.

She closes her eyes. I’m used to this part of the conversation — it’s the part where I wait. I wait for the spirit to make contact. I stare at my Macbook, my glasses reflecting back Amy’s face in infinity.

After over three minutes, Amy opens her eyes and says:

Amy: Okay. It’s difficult because — Pat — Patsy? Patsy? She’s trying to come through. So, um. I felt her immediately. Um. But JonBenet is… here. And that is… I’m asking her to communicate with… but Patsy is strong.

For those of you who are unaware, Patsy Ramsey is JonBenet’s mother. She passed away due to ovarian cancer in 2006.

Me: And so she is kind of… in the way? Kind of…

Amy pauses, considers this. Then laughs.

Amy: She’s very strong. Um, I’m not — I’m not sure if she’s trying to be in the way, or if actually she wants to… to speak and come forward… and I’d be willing to listen, to that. But. To do both at the same time? I don’t want to do both at the same time.

A low, strange electronic hum comes through my speakers.

Me: No, you shouldn’t.

Amy tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, closes her eyes, seems to listen.

Amy: Okay. We’re ready.

Me: Okay. So who are we gonna start with?

Amy: JonBenet.

Me: Start with JonBenet… okay. Um. So, first I, I just want to say thank you… for talking to us… because I know this is probably kind of hard. And weird. And… you know, we really appreciate it because a lot of people wanted to hear from you. So just to start… with a thank you.

My cell phone begins to suddenly ring, the end credits of “American Horror Story: Coven” echoing in the room. Shit. I try to silence it as fast as I can. Amy moves on, unfazed.

Amy: She kind of… giggled. At that. It was, almost like a, “Whoops!” And she… I feel her saying “Thank you.” Um. And that she’s happy to be talking.

Me: Okay. I guess what, um, a lot of people would want to know just up front is, um… you know… just where she is. Spiritually. Right now, if she’s okay. If she’s happy.

This was what had been weighing on me most heavily. The fact that this little girl — in all truth, not that much younger than me — still played on the minds of the public so much. Everyone still worries about her, hopes she’s okay, she’s found some measure of peace. My greatest fear in doing this session was to find out that she was, in death, unhappy.

Amy responds immediately.

Amy: She’s very happy. She’s not… she’s… she plays a lot. She has a lot of friends. She’s not sad at all. No sadness.

As Amy says this, her eyes closed, a smile playing on her lips, I feel it. JonBenet is happy. That, almost, is enough for me this session.

Almost.

Me: Good. Good. I think that’s what a lot of people would kind of… think about first. Um. So that’s, that’s very good, and I think people will be glad to know that. Um. (lets out a deep breath) Okay. Always try to ease into these situations.

I’ve never done a session with Amy regarding a child before, so I’m honestly quite nervous, quite out of my element. I’m trying to do this right.

Me: Is there anything she wants to start off by saying or sharing or talking about? Anything that she wants to… get out there?

Amy closes her eyes. Listens.

Amy: (laughs) Um. She’s kinda got her little hand on her hip and, um, she’s actually scolding me more than anything — um. She’s, she’s directing it towards me but it’s basically a blanket to all adults, just basically… “Why do you take things so darn seriously?”

When she says this, her voice inflects upwards and actually seems to sound like a child.

Amy: That’s what she’s saying to me with her little pointed finger. Sassafras! Um. Yeah. And she’s directing that at me. Taking things too seriously. Taking life too seriously. Yeah. She really wants to know why we do that. So. Um.

Amy tilts her head and laughs again.

Amy: Okay, now she’s teasing me, and saying basically like, “I already know, silly, why you do. I don’t need to know why you do it. I’m asking you so you know what you’re doing. Not because I need an answer!”

Me: (laughing) Right.

Amy pauses again, closes her eyes, listens.

Amy: Hmm. Oh, well that’s interesting. I just saw a flash of a face. So. Um. Um. I couldn’t tell if it was male or female — had a turtleneck on? White. Turtleneck. Dishwater blonde hair, down to the shoulders. Really fine, thin. If it wasn’t a man, it was a more masculine, um, woman? Meaning — no makeup. Um. Masculine energy.

I begin typing away, trying to look up people who I think might fit this description. I find someone but, as this is very sensitive territory to breach, I cannot name any names in this article.

Me: Okay… might have found someone who matches but, um, we’ll come back to that. Um. And so… the, the flash. Was that sort of a train of thought kind of thing, or…

Amy: She’s just letting me feel that I shouldn’t take things so seriously. Be more childlike. In the essence of what I’m feeling of her… then I had a flash of that face, and then in the same motion she let me feel she’s being very cutesy about… like, turning the tables on you. “Well, I have a question for you! Why do you adults take things so seriously?” So just, like she just keeps doing it over and over. I think she’s doing it for me. To lighten up.

Me: Uh, okay, I guess we’ll get a little bit more… serious.

Amy: She wants you to lighten up too. She just said it. You need to lighten up too. She’s telling me you gotta come down to her level… we gotta get… childlike.

Me: I guess it’s just hard knowing, you know… what it is that we’re going to be asking. The kind of stuff we’re eventually going to be talking about.

Amy: But she’s saying it already happened. It’s already happened. It’s okay. So if you understand that… that doesn’t bring her… doesn’t make her sad. Serious adults make her sad.

I explain how we’re trying to be gentle going into this because it has, in the past, made subjects sad to go into their death. Specifically Ron Goldman comes to mind.

Me: Okay. Then trying not to be so serious about everything, um, does she want to talk about… the pineapple?

For those of you who aren’t aware, one of the major pieces of evidence in the case was that JonBenet had undigested pineapple in her stomach during her autopsy — which meant she had eaten it, most likely, after the Whites’ Christmas party and before she was murdered. Her brother, Burke, had his fingerprints on the bowl it had been served in. This was unaccounted for by her parents.

Amy listens. And smiles.

Amy: She’s really… a cutie pie. She’s like, “Ohhh, the pineapple!” Very dramatic.

Amy lifts a hand to her forehead, mimicking a swooning lady.

Amy: Um. Has a great sense of humor. Also I can feel, instantly, has intelligence. She’s intelligent. Um. So. After getting past the “Ohhh!” She had pineapple. Yep.

Me: Um. Does she remember who… who gave it to her?

Amy: She’s showing me her… her brother? She’s showing me, her, um, being on top of either, um, a tabletop like this? She’s got her head on her hands, like this —

Amy spreads her arms and places palm over palm, then puts her chin on her hands in the center.

Amy: She’s grabbing a piece of pineapple out of the bowl, eating it like that — (picks at an imaginary piece and pops it in her mouth) — she’s… she’s showing me she’s got one foot on top of the other foot, standing there, if you can imagine her height. One foot on top of the other foot with her little hip hiked up. On top of the table, the counter, whatever it was. And, um, like this. Looking up at him [Burke.] He’s doing his thing. He’s sitting. Eating his pineapple. A couple pieces of pineapple.

Me: Okay. So it was more that it was his snack, and she was kinda… stealing from him. Okay.

Well, there’s no more pussyfooting around the subject. We need to get to what happened on Christmas night, 1996 — whether we’re being serious adults or not. After all, JonBenet said it’s already happened, right?

Me: Does she have — again, just trying to, um — be fun about it — does she have any particularly fun memories from that last Christmas? Anything from the party or anything like that, that she wants to talk about?

Amy closes her eyes. Frowns.

Amy: Okay, so she’s — everything just went — WOMP. Um. She’s… allowing me to feel, um, that — even before this happened, that day… days prior maybe, even. Two to three days prior, um. There was a real thickness. Stress. Especially amongst her mother and, um, her father. Something wasn’t right. It wasn’t a typical…

Me: Stressful holiday?

Amy: Happy time. It was… yeah. It wasn’t…

Me: She knew something was up.

Amy: Yeah.

Me: Okay.

I wax philosophical about the way parenting was in the 90s and what it was like to be a kid back then because I was a kid back then. I’m trying to connect but I feel like I’m flailing.

Amy: She understood… that there was… that it centered around her. So… she was aware. That it was upsetting, and it all centered around her. Give me a second, Patsy keeps trying, so…

Me: If we need to jump over to her, we can jump over to her, so — I mean, that’s up to JonBenet —

Amy I do not want to jump over to her. She’s, um, I will, I’m just not giving her the floor… immediately.

Amy closes her eyes again, seems to meditate. I am left to wait. Meanwhile, outside my office, the lawn care service starts at the most inopportune time, creating a low buzz in the background.

Amy: Okay.

Me: Okay. Continue? (laughs) So we’ve established that, uh, something was wrong… up to… Christmas. It wasn’t just normal Christmas stress. There was something going on, she knew it had to do with her, which — I’ll tell her, sorry, about that. That’s gotta suck, when your parents are fighting — and, and I would always assume it was because of me, but to actually know it was because of you, that had to have been hard.

Amy: So she’s saying to me that her family, um, wasn’t normal? Um. As, other families are. Um. What… they acted like, to people was not what was going on indoors. And so… um…

The lawnmowers quiet.

Me: Okay, well, if we don’t want to be coy anymore, um… let’s just ask her if she’s ready to talk, about what happened that Christmas.

Amy: Okay, so she’s saying that Mommy… got very upset. VERY upset. And angry.

Me: At her?

Amy’s eyes are closed. She looks distressed. She rolls her head from side to side, like someone trying to get a crick out of their neck.

Amy: At something that was blamed on her.

There’s a very long pause.

Amy: It had to do with a man. And [redacted.] And her mother.

There’s an odd low humming sound coming through my speakers; it is decidedly not a lawnmower.

Me: Are you hearing that?

Amy: Mmm hmm.

Me: Because that’s not the lawnmower, that’s — that’s on —

Amy: I’m hearing that and I also keep hearing, um, what sounds to me like… mumbling.

There’s another very clear sound of the lawnmower outside. It’s not like what we heard before. I wait for Amy to say more.

Amy: There’s a fascination in JonBenet from… a third party. And a, feeling of… an offering.

Someone from work messages me through our corporate chat and I quickly hide it, watching Amy’s face. Her hands are folded in prayer.

Amy: This is very big. Um. So. Give me a… moment.

Me: Okay. Take your time.

I wait. Amy’s fingers grip each other tighter as the moments go on.

Amy: So she’s showing me a lamp. That is like… ornate. Brass. In color. Um. Almost like, what an old candlestick would look like? Back in the day? It’s a lamp, but the shade is off.

Another long moment passes. Amy’s hands are still interlocked, her eyelids flutter. I know something big is coming.

Amy: So… there was some dark stuff. Going on. In this [redacted,] with these [redacted.] People in high positions. Nobody’s innocent. And… Patsy… someone’s on their hands and knees. An adult. It feels… ritualistic. And… nasty. And dark. And…

Amy’s head rolls back; she clasps her hands in prayer again.

Amy: I’m not seeing, clearly, um, the level of involvement over — what is happening — but I feel, I’m being shown who killed her. So… from what I am seeing…

She covers her face with her hands. Sighs. Puts her hands on her chest.

Amy: JonBenet being offered. And the people that I see present are [redacted.] It’s dark stuff. I see, uh… a, a, an interruption. A hysteria. Um, yelling. Mostly Patsy. I see a snap. I FEEL a snap. HAVE to, um, there’s just so much. I can’t even… it’s a feeling of, um, betrayal. Jealousy. Evil. What is viewed as evil. Nauseous…

Amy pauses for a long moment then, with decided determination:

Amy: She snapped.

Me: Patsy?

Amy only nods.

We are only an hour into our almost 3 hour long session. There is so, so much more to come.


I felt a sense of dismay at breaking this conversation apart, but it truly feels right. There’s just too much to have in one piece. JonBenet deserves the time, the consideration. As tasty as this story may be it’s not meant to be gobbled up in one sitting. It’s just not.

We left with Amy’s determined claim that Patsy snapped. Let’s find out why.

Amy’s eyes are closed. Her hands are clasped. She looks visibly distressed.

Amy: It’s two different things. The… raging.. (lets out a breath) The feeling I’m feeling is… a… betrayal. Of. Someone that she [Patsy] was interested in. Being… fixated and claiming something with… JonBenet. And… the rage coming from that? And the rage coming from…

She gestures vaguely, eyes still closed. My speakers begin to click.

Amy: Her… daughter being soiled. And… because… she… This is my words, interpreting this. She [JonBenet] brought… that out. In that person. She… saw JonBenet as a demonic… evil… thing. That at that moment, needed to be… annihilated. That’s what… it feels like.

I’ve done a lot of sessions with Amy and she’s never looked like this before. Her eyes are wild. She’s closing her eyes a lot more than normal, her hands are in front of her, rigid and almost clawlike. Where in past sessions she’s clearly brought forth the pleasant parts of a spirit — Marilyn Monroe’s enthusiasm, Princess Diana’s subtle wit — here she seems hard, panicked, almost manic.

Amy: The darkest thing you can think. The feelings of jealousy… feelings of, betrayal… rage… hysteria… Needing to do something. To stop the “evil.”

She stares off into the distance, seeming to consider this. I wonder how hard Patsy is still trying to push through. A minute passes as I sit, waiting, before she says with a stoic certainty:

Amy: She [JonBenet] was sexually abused. For a long period of time. It wasn’t… staged. Or… that time only. I don’t know if that can be proven.

We’re about to get dark here, so bear with me. Amy is referring to the vaginal trauma found during JonBenet’s autopsy. Many people have speculated that Patsy murdered JonBenet in a moment of rage — which may be the case, according to what we know so far — but another aspect of the crime is that many think Patsy staged all the “kidnapping” aspects. The bound hands (with no evidence of struggle, which obviously a child would have done,) the duct tape (a perfect lip imprint, which means it would’ve been applied after death,) and the vaginal trauma (perhaps left to imply a pedophile kidnapper.)

However, post-autopsy, it was scientifically determined JonBenet had, in fact, sustained vaginal trauma prior to the murder. It was left up for debate whether it was sexual or, as she was known for bed-wetting, maybe the trauma came from hard wiping — the way a parent would to punish a child for soiling themselves.

I begin to thumb through the book I purchased entitled “JonBenet: Inside the Ramsey Murder Investigation,” seeking the passage I recall reading.

Me: I just read about this last night.

Amy waits as I look.

Me: (reading from the book) “We gathered affidavits stating in clear language there were injuries consistent with prior trauma and sexual abuse. There was chronic abuse, past violation of the vagina. Evidence of both acute injury and chronic sexual abuse.”

I put the book down and give Amy a look, one that says both I was glad she was right and also not very glad at all.

Amy: So… I’m not willing to go further into… this deeper than anything other than… this wasn’t a parent abusing a child. This was about a… group.

She pauses, gives me a look that is almost like she’s trying to tell me something without actually telling me something.

Amy: Okay?

Me: Okay.

Amy: And… there’s… a big cover-up. Like, I see, big players? And by players, I say [redacted] or [redacted] or whatever… you know. The people that… were trying to get to the bottom of what happened, that were not involved in the… situation? Could only take a step forward before they were knocked back. By… someone. Who was protecting… the situation.

Me: Right.

Amy: Undermining their… steps forward. So know that. That, this didn’t get solved because… not because it couldn’t have gotten solved. Because it wasn’t supposed to. Get solved. Is what I’m hearing.

This points to everything I read in the book by lead detective on the case Steve Thomas; they couldn’t get anything done without being met with strong opposition, even from the DA’s office. Especially from the DA’s office.

Me: Okay. And I can elaborate more on that, (sighs) later, but, um… there are things that have come up, as I’m reading, I mean — it’s worse than, than the O.J. crime scene. I mean, it’s… things were so… screwed up that, to a certain point you start to wonder, who was screwing it up on purpose.

Amy: Exactly. That’s a very valid point because, [redacted] in particular… had and has a lot of power.

Me: Who does?

Amy: [redacted.]

Me: Okay. Okay. Um. So we’ll just kinda wrap something up here real quick because we don’t want to stay too long on it, um, but you said you saw the lamp and then Patsy snapped, and so I’m imagining that… is the connection… there?

When JonBenet’s body was found, she was bound with a garrote around her neck. It appeared that she had been strangled to death but autopsy findings showed she’d actually been struck in the skull prior to the binding or the strangling — thus making both those factors appear even more staged. It was determined the blow to her head, which was not immediately fatal, would have killed her in the end… just not right away.

Amy: Mmm hmm.

Me: She probably… she hit her in the head. With the lamp.

Amy nods soberly.

Amy: She [Patsy] was out of her mind. I mean… it would be like, if you saw a little demon in your house. You just take something and… hit… she wasn’t… seeing her daughter. She was… out of her mind.

Me: Okay. And this was during this ritualistic — offering?

Amy: I’m not gonna — I’m not gonna label it as, ritualistic, but it feels to me like… an offering of… “Oh, you find JonBenet beautiful? Well, here you can go sit with her for a half hour in her room by herself.”

Me: Well, by ritualistic I guess I mean more like… like you said, it happened. Often. Like, it wasn’t out of the ordinary.

Amy: Yes. And I guess what I want to say is — I’m not saying people are wearing like cow heads or whatever (laughs,) I don’t want to look into it. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know. So, I, um…

She pauses, her hands in front of her, and then begins to speak very quickly.

Amy: And I’m seeing, too, there was a long period of time —hours — between when they staged her, to when they actually called 911. And in that period of time, there were phone calls that were made to ensure that — the right people were sent to the scene. And it was… protected. Um. But they knew that they had to call 911, because… that’s the only way to get the story out. The record. Um. That was completely staged. 100% staged.

Obviously I can’t say whether any of this is true. However, I can say that JonBenet was reported as missing the morning of December 26, 1996. But her family decided to put December 25, 1996 on her tombstone. Was this because they knew what had happened or did it just sound better for an all-American beauty queen’s grave?

I’m starting to get agitated, which I don’t normally during these sessions. I lift my hair from the back of my neck, let out some air, look for a hair-tie. Meanwhile, Amy shakes her head and makes a displeased noise.

Amy: Woo.

Me: I know, I feel like… bad. Putting you through this. Um. And a certain point I guess it will, be, better to talk to Patsy about it. Than JonBenet. Because at a certain point JonBenet is out of the equation. Um. I —

Amy: She [JonBenet] has more to say though.

Me: Oh! Okay, go for it! Tell her to say whatever she wants to—

Amy: I still feel that she doesn’t wanna be… you know. Out of this. Right now. So she…

Amy closes her eyes and concentrates.

Amy: She’s telling me that she didn’t do anything wrong. I think she’s saying that to, to help us understand that — she understands. That none of it was her fault. That she didn’t do anything wrong.

Me: Okay. Good.

Amy: Patsy took it as she did something wrong. Patsy’s reaction was something you brought this out in… this person. You know.

Me: It’s victim blaming. It’s the same thing as “What were you wearing that night you got raped?” I mean…

Amy: Exactly. And there was enough… um… so she’s showing me, the dynamic of her and her mom.

Amy resituates herself in her seat. She looks uncomfortable.

Amy: Definite jealousy. Vicariously living through her, which is obvious. Any psychologist or person looking at that could see that, but… she’s telling me that there was very SNAP moments with her. First syrupy sweet, you know, that she would put on in front of other people — but she [Patsy] could snap and just… you know. Yelling and screaming at her. For a small thing. For being a child in general. She [JonBenet] wasn’t allowed to… act like a child. Or to be, immature in any way. Um.

Amy seems to be struggling so I try to fill the silence.

Me: I mean, that’s a very unhealthy dynamic to have, where it seems like… you know… where it’s living vicariously through her, but like, Patsy had been a beauty queen too and almost… jealous that she [JonBenet] is good at it. Possibly even better than Patsy had been. And so that’s like, setting her [JonBenet] up for… failure. Because it’s like, “Do all this stuff! Oh now you’re doing it so well, I’m jealous of you, so I’m gonna take that out on you.”

Amy: Mmm hmm. And she’s saying that, her mom had… was like a robot. She had, she had the ability to… be robotic. And… and the way she’s allowing me to feel that is like, a brainwashed, kind of…? She’d go into a kind of, a mode that was completely… robotic and brainwashed. And she taught… JonBenet how to do that. How to… how to do that. There’s more to that, I don’t know how to interpret that, there’s just… it’s cultish, in feeling to me. If that makes sense.

It does. But what am I supposed to say to that? I’m still wondering about the spirit of this little girl, the one who told us not to be so serious, and trying to figure out how we are supposed to not be serious in the face of all this madness.

Me: Okay. Um.

I look down at my book in thought.

Me: I guess I would just ask… um. Another thing, and this might be kind of embarrassed — kind of embarrassing. And so if she doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s all right, but um… if the, uh. If the bedwetting. Had anything to do with any of this.

I ask because one of the theories that Patsy lost it and accidentally murdered JonBenet is based on the idea that she found her after yet another bedwetting accident, which was common for JonBenet. Many people have theorized it was an act of violence after finding JonBenet wetting the bed. Amy’s answer?

Amy: No. She would get in trouble, and punished. But it had nothing to do with that night.

Something I read in Steve Turner’s book was that habitual bedwetting or soiling of the bed is actually a response to sexual abuse — that children will do this in an attempt to make themselves less desirable to a predator. It’s a very biological way to look at it, but it makes sense.

Me: So, was that, was that a result of what had been — what had been happening? Though? The abuse?

Amy: Yeah. Yep. And her mom… like… (sighs) Patsy was aware of everything. She just didn’t… there was something about this third party man that was a catalyst for… the break.

Me: Okay, and so it wasn’t even, like she was upset with how — [redacted] was acting necessarily, she was interested in this third party? If I’m getting that right.

Amy: I feel affair. Or in love. Or. You know, um, delusional.

Me: Okay. Um. Do we know anything about this third party? What he looks like, how JonBenet would know him, or… how Patsy would know him?

Amy closes her eyes and focuses, hard. After almost a minute:

Amy: I’m asking her [JonBenet] to try to show me, so…

Me: Okay.

I suck away, helplessly, at my Capri Sun and wait for what Amy has to say. I am but a spectator in this situation. Almost two minutes later:

Amy: So all I’m getting at the moment is like, a shiny… um… head? Shaved head? Or… bald head? I’m gonna take a break real quick. So I can concentrate.

For the first time during any of our sessions, Amy actually stands up and leaves.

The air is electric, full of tension, and there is much, much more to come.


Here we go… part three.

When we last left off, Amy had — for the first time ever — stood up and left our session. Things were getting pretty heavy. Very serious stuff. Sexual abuse, political corruption.

For those of you who have asked: the reason some words/names have been redacted is very simple. You cannot defame the dead, so anything we report about JonBenet or Patsy could not be acted on legally because the dead have no reputations to damage. However, anyone still living could claim libel if I reported their involvement in JonBenet’s murder. In fact, multiple players in this case have been willing to (and have continued to) sue reporters who claim certain things about them.

So, in any case that seems risky, I have — and will continue to — redact the information. I want to share JonBenet’s story, but not at the risk of my (or Amy’s) personal downfall.

Back to business.

I click away at my computer, studying articles, scanning sections of my book for information that might be relevant. I type, place my fist against my mouth as I read.

Amy returns and says she is going to tell me something off the record. Obviously, due to that statement, I cannot include what she has said. It adds to why she had been so disturbed during our session. She tells me, I acknowledge it.

We move on.

Me: I’m looking at some of these pictures of her, too, like… trying to be… fair? About it? Um. A lot of people — there are some pictures of her that are like “She’s a little pageant queen, fine. Okay.” And like, I’ve got pictures of, like, myself — like, I did dance. I did tap. I did that kind of stuff. But there’s this one picture that keeps coming up… and if you just search ‘JonBenet Ramsey’ I think you’ll see it. It’s just a completely… like… I don’t think I could pose like that. Now. At my… age.

Amy: Okay, I’m looking at it right now.

Me: You see it?

Amy: Her bangs are separated?

Me: Bright red lipstick.

Amy: Yep.

Me: Like, there’s… something about that.

Amy: Well, she’s… was… introduced to that. From… she was used for that.

Me: Yeah, like it’s not her fault. It’s not something she’s doing. But… I think that just… tells… something. Behind the scenes.

Amy asks who I think the flash of the face from the first session might have been — the masculine-seeming person with a white turtleneck and shorter dark-blonde hair. I offer my suggestion, which I will not disclose at this time.

We muse over this for a while. Amy looks interested but not fully convinced. We discuss the fact that the Ramseys — Patsy and John — offered up many, many names as potential suspects, including their closest friends.

Amy: And why were they even suspects?

Me: Because the Ramseys pointed their finger at them. The Ramseys threw a ton of their friends under the bus.

Amy: Why did they say — what did they say about these people?

Me: That they were around a lot. I mean, they didn’t really have… reasons. For — I mean — like I said, these were friends that, were good enough that if like, I had a kid and my kid went missing and I called my friends [redacted for the sake of privacy] to have them come over here because I needed moral support — that’s who these people would’ve been. That’s who they were to the Ramseys. And they… were given as… suspects.

Amy: Okay. So, she’s showing me… that for a reason. So. Um.

Amy closes her eyes for a moment. I click away, still looking at research, photos of JonBenet in Google image results.

Amy: So I just got that [redacted] was involved. And [redacted] knows. A… silent partner.

Me: Just kinda… let it happen?

Amy: Mmm hmm.

Me: Involved that night, or just — in general —

Amy: Both.

Me: Both? Okay. Um.

Rarely during these sessions have I felt like I didn’t know what to say. Hell, in life I am rarely found without something to say. Currently, I am stuck. I don’t know what to do to keep the session moving forward and I don’t know what to do to keep us safe legally. I look at my second monitor, full of images of JonBenet’s sweet face, and bite my lower lip.

Luckily, Amy speaks up for me.

Amy: And I’m also hearing that, what you have to understand is that, what seems like them throwing people under the bus? Was… um… it was a way to, uh, so, that they got — because all these people were, privy to the information, it was also a way to balance and check. Make sure that no one talked because, you know… “You’re on the chopping block, too.” Yeah.

There’s a little more conversation about people involved. None of it really pans out. There was a 911 call made from the Ramsey home on 12/23/1996 during a Christmas party that resulted in a hang-up. In the background, my dog scratches his ear and his tags jangle loudly. We do manage to zero in on someone involved but I cannot, legally, name them here.

Believe me. It is just as frustrating for you to read as it is for me to fail to report. I wish I could say what I was told, but if you do your own research you may be able to find the answers for yourself.

As I look for an answer to a question, I offer Amy some trivia.

Me: Did you know, too, that her [JonBenet] name is literally her dad’s name mixed with her dad’s middle name?

Amy: No.

Me: His name is ‘Jon Bennett Ramsey.’

Amy: Hmm.

Me: That’s some… narcissistic bullshit.

Amy: Yeah!

We chat about a few more things I can’t divulge. Then I try to take a detour by reading an excerpt from the preamble of “JonBenet: Inside the Ramsey Murder Investigation,”

Me: I remember when I started this book, this really struck me. The preamble. Um.

Just before Christmas break, her mother arranged to have JonBenet to perform as a holiday treat for her classmates, and in pageant finery, she sang and danced all day while classmates came through to watch. She went home exhausted.

On December 17, she picked up still another crown — Colorado’s “Little Miss Christmas.” Six days later, during a party at her parents’ home, a family friend came across a JonBenet who was seldom seen.

The child was immaculate in a holiday frock, her platinum blonde hair was done perfectly, but she sat alone on a staircase in the butler’s kitchen, crying softly. The friend sat beside her: “What’s wrong, honey?

Little Miss Christmas sobbed, “I don’t feel pretty.”

This made me tear up as I read it. I’m tearing up transcribing it now. I know what it’s like to feel this way, to have so much praise and/or compliments, to live the sort of life that should leave you on top of the world and yet… there’s something missing.

You’re Little Miss Christmas, and yet… you don’t feel pretty.

Amy blinks hard, holding back tears.

Amy: That’s very sad.

Me: Yeah.

I try to move on. I don’t like feeling vulnerable or like my own feelings are corrupting the session.

Me: Okay. So, you can listen to the 911 call on YouTube. So, uh —

Patsy Ramsey: I’m the mother. Oh my god, please.

911: Okay, I’m sending an officer over, okay, do you know how long she’s been gone?

Patsy: No, I don’t, please, we just got up and she’s not here — oh my god, please, please send somebody! Hurry hurry hurry —

Me: And then, she hangs up. On the 911 operator.

We have a brief aside where Amy directs me towards a photo gallery, having changed her mind on the turtleneck person. We discuss this. I cannot include details, other than that my dog is being annoying throughout this discussion. We go back to the 911 call.

Me: So here is one of the things I found particularly interesting. Again, the fact that she hung up on the 911 operator.

“In preliminary examinations, detectives thought they could hear some more words being spoken between the time Patsy Ramsey said ‘hurry hurry hurry’ and when the call was terminated. However, the FBI and the US Secret Service cannot lift anything from the background noise on the tape. As a final effort, several months later we contacted the electronic wizards at Aerospace Corporation in Los Angeles and asked them to try to decipher the sounds behind the noise. Their work produced a startling conclusion: Patsy apparently had trouble hanging up the telephone. Before it rested in the cradle, she was heard to moan, ‘Help me, Jesus, help me, Jesus.’ Her husband was heard to bark, ‘We’re not talking to you.’ And in the background was a young-sounding voice: ‘What did you find?’ It was JonBenet’s brother, Burke. The Ramseys would repeatedly tell us their son did not wake up at any point during the crime.”

Amy and I exchange looks. I know what’s coming… I sense what’s coming. We’re going to have to talk to Patsy. I’m not looking forward to it.

We discuss the issue that the crime scene was, essentially, soiled from the beginning. Sure, it was originally discussed as a kidnapping, but that doesn’t mean people should have been parading in and out of the house the way they were. It all reeks of corruption.

We cover the idea that John Ramsey and Fleet White found JonBenet’s body in a part of the house that wasn’t known to most people. We cover that John Ramsey picked JonBenet’s body up — obviously a big no-no in a crime scene — and brought her upstairs. We cover that so much evidence was compromised, that the whole thing was weird. The idea that John and Fleet were in the basement without a police officer in an area that should’ve been completely cordoned off to begin with.

That being said, I’m fired up now. I’m mad. I want someone to answer for this tragedy.

Me: So, if we’re gonna still talk to Patsy, um — I wanna know about the ransom note.

I’m not saying it in a nice way. I’m not being coy or pleasant. I want to know what Patsy did with that note, because I know she did it. I know she wrote it herself — the note was written on paper from the Ramsey home, in her handwriting — and I just want her to admit it. I’m sick of dancing around this… Patsy is guilty, and I want her to answer for it.

Amy seems to stop; she contemplates this question. She shifts uncomfortably, looking upset. She picks up a divination crystal and consults it, silently, then sighs after getting her answer.

Amy: Okay. Okay, let’s do Patsy. Before I…

Me: I know. I know. I feel like… you’re getting drained. Um, is there anything else JonBenet wants to say before we… kind of let her go for now?

Amy smiles.

Amy: Well, she kind of ran off a while ago. (laughs)

Me: (laughs) Boring old adults! (laughs)

Amy focuses one last time for JonBenet.

Amy: That was quick.

Me: Okay! (laughs) We just want to make sure she’s able to… say everything she wants to say.

Amy listens.

Amy: Hmm. So she actually has a big thing to say. Um. First, I feel… relief from her. Like she’s actually like, um, on her toes… she has her hands behind her back, when she came forward, kind of up on her toes like — “Yes?” She’s light. And feels… good. About what is coming out. Um. She’s telling me that she wants… it said…

Amy pauses for a long moment here. Her eyes are closed. Her face is calm, but she’s smiling.

Amy: ‘Cause, you know, “there always has to be a message” — she’s kind of, you know, I don’t want to say mocking, but teasing about that — um. Trying to get her exact words, here.

Another long, tense pause as we both wait for JonBenet’s message.

Amy: So this is kind of to… the world? You don’t see kids going around… murdering people. You do in some… cases but that’s not the majority. You don’t see kids going around… doing… horrible stuff. You see adults do that. But the adults weren’t always like that. The adults were kids. So… maybe… look at that.

Me: What changes.

Amy: Mmm hmm. Yep. And she’s giving me the scold again of ‘taking things too seriously.’ I’m listening!

Me: (laughs) And that could feed into it, too, is… you know… taking life too seriously, taking things too seriously, and losing that childlike… spirit. And kindness.

Amy: And when you’re not kind, that’s where you start your wounds. And all of your… psychosis. And. Your denying parts of yourself, then you’ve gotta hide parts of yourself… it’s like this whole… monster in the closet gets created. It’s connected to that part of you, I guess.

I share a personal anecdote about a child I encountered at a Boys and Girls Club. He had a moment of being upset, worked through it, and then it was okay.

Me: Like — he was upset about it, and then he was fine! And in the not acknowledging your feelings [as an adult] that’s what creates those monsters. And we don’t experience it, we don’t feel it, and then… it doesn’t go away. It just hides out. And becomes something worse.

I pause, feeling like I’ve come across something very important.

Me: Does that sound good, JonBenet?

Amy smiles.

Amy: Yup. She’s like, “Bye-bye!” (laughs) She’s off to play. And Patsy’s right here. So let’s… (sighs)

There was a brief moment of happiness, followed by an immediate sense of dread. Amy’s head rolls back on her neck.

Me: Let’s see what she has to say for herself.

Amy: Yep. Mmmmm-kay.

Amy’s eyes are closed. I can feel the tension. We are about to touch something raw and swollen and pulsing — whether we’re ready for it or not.


Part four.

Are you ready?

We ended the last piece with a decision to begin talking to Patsy, JonBenet’s late mother who we (among many others) believe was responsible for her death. Neither Amy nor I were entirely comfortable with it but it seemed Patsy was an unavoidable discussion — she simply wouldn’t back down and had, in fact, been trying to intrude on JonBenet’s conversation the entire time.

After JonBenet’s heartfelt message, she happily trotted off to play with her friends on the other side. This, at least, I can take to heart.

So now… we’re here.

Amy is concentrating but seems uncomfortable.

Amy: Let me make sure that… her intentions are…

She begins to consult her divination crystal, which I’ve seen her use in the flesh. It’s such an interesting tool I purchased one of my own. She doesn’t tell me what she’s asking but the crystal begins to spin in a frantic circle, which I remember from our previous sessions to be a ‘yes.’ I don’t want to interrupt her, but…

Me: Keep doing that. My husband is going to be home soon, I gotta grab my headphones, so… keep doing… your thing.

I love my husband dearly but he is a staunch skeptic; it’s best if I keep to myself on this one. I hook my headphones up to my MacBook as Amy continues to concentrate.

Amy: Okay. Okay…

She gives me a strange look, half-lidded, almost as if she’s drunk. Amy wipes at her nose and almost slurs:

Amy: Ready if you are.

It doesn’t seem like we have much of a choice. Patsy is here.

Me Okay! So I guess — just — does she already have, an agenda? Or does she want us to ask questions?

Amy tilts her head, smiles oddly, closes her eyes.

Amy: When I first connected with her, she was very… um, it scared me. She was screaming. And yelling. And just… in a rage. Fit. Just an emotional… uh, tornado? Um. But I feel that may have been to show what overtook her. That night. And not just that night… um, she was very reactive.

Amy pauses, eyes still closed, and seems to listen. I wait.

Amy: Just ask her questions. Ask a question.

In the past, whether it was a session with Marilyn Monroe or Nicole Brown Simpson, this question would’ve been much gentler. It would’ve been leant a subtle hint towards what was needed from the subject or, at the very least, phrased in an open, friendly way. This feels more like “Just go. Just please go.”

Me: Okay, um, where is she, I guess, spiritually… I guess, with what happened that night?

I’m softballing one in for sure, mainly because I’m scared to go too strong up front.

A few long minutes pass.

Amy: She has forgiven herself, and she has forgiven everyone involved. She… can see now… she was sick.

Me: So she [Patsy] has sort of a clarity now. That she didn’t have before.

Amy: Yeah. She said there was a real, mental… mental problems there. That… stemmed from things she’s not willing to go into. About her own childhood, her own raising… and she says it’s better for me that I don’t go into that. So…

I immediately have a sense of regret. That I may be being too hard on Patsy. Who knows what she had to endure as a child herself — perhaps she was only living out the same thing she knew. We’re all damaged, to a certain extent.

Me: Yeah, okay. All right. And she’ll have to forgive me, too. I kind of came at this… hard. From the beginning. ‘Cause it is, you know, an emotional thing and I have to remember… our O.J. lesson. Humanity. Everyone is a person. Everybody’s gone through their own shit. So. Um. I guess, uh, does she want to talk about the ransom note?

This is a decidedly gentler approach than I’d taken earlier in the session. We’ll see how it lands. For those who aren’t aware, multiple handwriting experts were able to identify Patsy as being the person who wrote the ransom note found at the Ramsey house, while no handwriting experts from the defense were able to rule her out.

A long pause.

Amy: She’s saying there’s not much to say about it. It’s, she… it’s obvious, and she feels that the majority of people (sighs) feel that she wrote it — and she did write it — and…

At the most inopportune time my dog begins to chew away at his squeaky toy. He has never caused this much trouble during a session; I start to wonder if this is a bizarre side-effect of the whole strange conversation in full.

Amy: She wants to make sure that it’s understood that she’s not the only person responsible. For this.

Me: Right. Right. And that’s kind of what’s come out… during our session. So we’ll make sure we do make that clear.

Amy closes her eyes again.

Amy: She’s saying that she looks back on it and, um, how just… foolish, people… um. Way that they decide to, present it? Um. That… anybody else would’ve been convicted. It was because of who [redacted] were. Because of who [redacted] knew. That is the ONLY reason why. [Redacted] were free.

I agree, wholeheartedly. But let’s go on.

Me: Okay. Um. One thing that a lot of people have wondered and I don’t know if, if she has an answer for this, if it was just nonsense or if she actually did have a reason for it, um… the acronym. At the end of the ransom note. What that was supposed to mean. Because a lot of the note was, panicked and… lines from movies, and just sort of… cliched stuff, like “don’t call the police,” that kind of thing, um… but signed off with an acronym.

Amy closes her eyes. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen her concentrating so hard during a session. In retrospect, I feel bad for not recognizing this at the time.

Amy: She’s saying it was done to, um, point to… it in the direction of a certain group of people? Um. To try to lead the direction that way, that it was a certain, um… reason. That she had been kidnapped. That acronym, of people.

That’s a pretty common theory; that the acronym was meant to point somewhere. Where? No one knows.

Amy: She’s saying it was to create a trail… a diversion. Of attention, going towards… that.

Me: Okay.

Amy: ‘Do you understand?’ she’s asking.

To be totally fair, it’s a little insulting. It’s pretty obvious that the acronym is a distraction. I feel condescended to, like I’m not smart enough to be handling this.

This part is very important. It’s where the energy begins to shift.

Me: I think so. The one thing that was… normally… it’s SBTC, a lot of people thought… it was ‘Saved By The Cross’? [redacted]

My dog continues to squeak away.

Amy: Trying to divert it to make it… um… like it was business related. Money related. Like that’s the reason she was quote-unquote kidnapped. And the ransom. As if she had been killed out of vengeance, or something to do with… business.

There is a very distinct shift in energy here. I initially felt sympathy for Patsy but that’s gone — it’s almost like she is saying “Why are you still talking about JonBenet? What about ME?”

Me: Okay. The same reason that the amount of money was so, disproportionate to what he made? To make it look like it [JonBenet’s murder] had already been done, and they were just kind of toying with the Ramseys?

There’s not much of an answer. Not one we can share. So let’s move on.

Amy: She’s [Patsy] got a lot of, um… she’s not very fond of him [her husband.]

Meanwhile, Amy is looking weak. I don’t want to push her too hard but I feel we need to get something from Patsy. My initial sympathy for her has waned and I want more.

Me: Okay, we covered the note. We already know what happened —

Amy: She wants…

Her head rolls back on her neck, something I’ve rarely seen with her.

Amy: She wants people to understand that, had she been a person… in her right frame of mind… she never could’ve allowed, or done, what she did. And so she wants people to understand that she was NOT in her right frame of mind, that she had mental sickness. And, also, that… it literally was, uncontrollable rage. That, it’s not a thought of “I’m going to do this right now,” she just… did it. It… she’s not expecting compassion, or forgiveness. She just wants it known if she had been a balanced person from the beginning, mental help… obviously what happened wouldn’t have happened. And she’s very sorry about that. She has… remorse. She’s working on her… evolution. She’s had… quote-unquote time… to… evaluate, and. Assess. And… work through. All that.

While I can appreciate everything she’s saying, I don’t necessarily buy all of it. There’s just something that feels… wrong.

Me: (sighs) Um. Just looking at a couple of pictures real quick. (sighs) Yeah, I guess I’m not sure, just that, covers a lot of it… and, um, we’ll try to be… gentle. In the coverage. And make sure that that’s touched on. And there’s still something else she wants to say… and she’s still… on me.

Amy closes her eyes again, listens. I click and look at other websites.

Amy: So she’s trying to explain… um. Trying to… justify? She still has a very sticky…

Amy’s audio, here, becomes distorted and odd.

Amy: She is a… she’s a, not saying this disrespectfully, but she’s a piece of work. Um. There’s a lot of sticky… manipulative… darker emotional stuff goin’ on there, but she is…

There’s a strange growling sound. Amy’s hands are clasped in prayer.

Amy: Telling me, and I’m hearing the words “I was in love.” So, she was IN love with someone. And where I feel she is justifying is where I’m hearing her say, “You can imagine walking in on your daughter and…”

Amy gestures vaguely, upset, not able to properly communicate what Patsy is apparently saying.

Amy: Yeah. And in her own sick way… feeling she was putting an end to the… suffering of…

Amy pauses for a long moment, eyes closed.

Me: To the cycle, kind of?

Amy: Yes, and also, what she feels JonBenet had become. A…

Amy stops again, and when she says this, I feel a chill.

Amy: A little monster. That’s the way she viewed her. A little monster. It’s… some… fucked up stuff.

Me: Yeah. Um. Okay. Well, I only have one last question, and it’s going to be over email. And you can look at that and see if maybe… what your answer is. From the email. From that.

I am decidedly uncomfortable. There is a really weird feeling of “Wait, didn’t you like me? Didn’t you feel bad for me?”

I hear the buzz of Amy receiving my email and I wait patiently.

Amy’s face tells it all. She reacts, visibly. I can’t tell you what photos I sent, however, I can tell you her reaction.

Amy: That lamp. That lamp.

Me: Is that it?

Amy: Yep. That’s it. That’s… it’s a clean lamp, but…

Me: So they just cleaned it off and put it back?

If you recall, it would seem (based off our discussions) that Patsy snapped and hit JonBenet in the head with a lamp. Amy’s visions said this, for sure, but autopsy results also said a skull fracture was what would’ve ended up killing JonBenet — not a neck strangulation, as a staged injury would’ve suggested.

Amy stares at the photos I’ve sent her.

Amy: It could also be — that there’s more than one?

Me: Like a set?

Amy: Yep. Yep.

Me: I was looking for crime scene photos and… and that was what I found. I mean… um…

I don’t know what to say. There have been many times I, a former skeptic, have been proven wrong by Amy but to see this lamp in the crime scene photos… I’m sort of speechless.

Amy: That’s 100% what I saw, the candlestick type of lamp. But there’s more than one.

Me: So you think the one that happened might be… gone? I mean, it’s definitely gone by now, but… gone by the time people got there. That day.

Amy: No. It was there.

This means Amy thinks the lamp may have been cleaned off and put right back in place — a chilling prospect.

Me: Hiding in plain sight?

Amy: Mmm hmm.

I begin to explain the apparent staging of the crime. I tell Amy about how the blow to the head — as we already know — was the eventual cause of death, but that there had been a garrote to sort of stage a strangulation. As I’m trying to show her an example with a marker, she interrupts me.

Amy: It was wood. She’s showing me that — it was wood.

I concede… with relevant information.

Me: It one of Patsy’s paintbrushes. Yeah. And so, if they, if they though it was going to be enough to, uh… distract —

Amy makes a noise that stops me, covers her face.

Amy: (breathes in hard) Okay, so um… it was done that way so, there were no… fingerprints? Um. Already knowing that, that enough had been done to where… there was no turning back. They couldn’t — she couldn’t — rush her [JonBenet] to the hospital. They had to finish. And so, that was done so that…. there wasn’t any kind of finger… imprint. And also, so… she’s [Patsy] very, uh, crass. Um. She’s also saying that could’ve easily been done by putting a pillow over her head. Suffocating her. But they wanted to… appear… a… um.

Me: Deviant sort of thing?

Amy: Yep. Deviant, and ritualistic in nature, like a serial killer would do. Yep. Yeah.

We’re both clearly uncomfortable at this point of the session. Neither of us have ever wanted to leave a session early but this time, we don’t look happy. I have a fist against my face, Amy is wiping hard against her cheek.

For a moment, we’re both silent.

Me: Okay. I’ve still got mixed feelings on her [Patsy.] To be so… matter of fact on all this. I know she’s had some time to think about it, but it’s still pretty…

Amy: I have mixed feelings about her, too. She shows me to two sides… since connecting with her, she has a feeling that has remorse, and I feel a side that takes responsibility… and then a feeling that I feel has a relief. And then she is, other, um… another side. Comes out. And… um… I’m gonna go ahead and say she’s working on a lot of stuff. She’s not a highly-evolved spirit.

Me: Well, yeah! The reference to JonBenet as a “little monster” I think, kind of proves that. ‘Cause it’s like, the way you said it wasn’t… like… she understands now it was her mental illness making her feel like that. It’s still kind of… present.

Amy: Yep. You’re right on with that. I would like to… disconnect from her. If that’s okay.

Again, Amy has rarely asked to disconnect from a spirit in the past. But now… I get it. I don’t know what it’s been like on her end, but throughout our session, Patsy has pushed forward, harder and harder, becoming more and more aggressive. Unlike other spirits, the longer she stuck around, the more I felt uncomfortable.

Me: Yeah. I’m done with her. I’m done.

Amy shakes her head, closes her eyes. As always, she is respectful.

Amy: Are you done? Can I go now?

There’s a long pause, then:

Amy: All right. Gone. Done. She [Patsy], uh… she’s got two sides.

Me: I felt an energy shift towards the end. Where it was kind of like — “Are you on my side or not?”

Amy: Yeah. She’s still very manipulative. Doesn’t surprise me, because she was SO frickin’ manipulative in life.

Me: Well, and it was manipulative to US, because when I first went into it, my first feeling was anger, but then it was like I felt shitty because “Oh who knows what she went through,” and it was almost like that facade was kind of like… slipping?

Amy: And she could be trying to have us both feel um, just how bad it was. How bad she was. Because I did feel evolution in there and I did feel that she… has processed. And that she is STILL processing. And she DID feel remorse. But then again, she could’ve been coming at it as… in a way that, she already KNEW that I knew so… she can’t come. You know, like when she [Patsy] first came to me, she was screaming at me. You know. Maybe she just did that so I could feel JUST how… crazy. that felt. So I… yeah. Anger towards [redacted.] Yeah.

Me: Well, usually I’m at a distance, when we do this. But there was definitely a lot of… energy. Towards the end, there. Where it DID feel… different. And it felt.. almost like… “Hey, are we gonna — go back to when you were feeling sorry for me?” But it was like… the longer we talked, the more it felt like, little slips here and there. I think that’s what happened in the public eye, too. Up front, she [Patsy] came across as very sad, very sympathetic, but then… she’d do one thing and people would be like “Why did she say that?” or “Why did she do that?” and then it’s backpedaling and… yeah. So.

We both sort of exhale, attempting to let go of the tension in this past session. It was definitely more than either of us have attempted together.

Me: So I feel like that was… I think that was a good session. I think we got a lot of good stuff. I think it’s going to need to be handled… delicately. For sure.

Amy: It definitely is, and I don’t know how you’re going to do that but… I mean… I have, full, I have in my being… full confidence that we just, had the answer that’s been looked for. I’m not in any way, shape, or form doubting that.

There are obviously a lot of things/people/places we may have come across that we can never name to be safe. But overall, the murder of JonBenet seems clear. She was hit in the head with a lamp by her mother, Patsy, in a fit of rage; she had been sexually abused. Everything else in her murder was staged.

This was an utter tragedy and we wish we could’ve prevented it. But we can’t — all we can do is tell her story.

So here’s your story, Little Miss Christmas. We feel you — we FELT you — and so did so many others. We are SO glad you’re happy, and we hope that telling this story makes you even happier. We all know what it’s like to not feel pretty.

We will all try to be more childlike, more kind, more gentle.

Thank you for speaking with us. I hope you will always be able to play.


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M.J. Pack
written by: M.J. Pack

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